To be loved
by Last Munichorn
Summary: Thirteen's thoughts after her first night with Cameron


**I know I should be writing "Maybe tomorrow" but I just can't right now, there's a lot to do for me and I need time to continue it. So I hope this is at least a little solace.**

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When she touched me, suddenly everything felt right. This wasn't like anything else. It was soft, tender, filled with passion not just desire. With everyone else it was always longing, yearning for satisfaction, for control, for conformation. It was never like this. This wasn't sex, she made love to me without even really knowing me; it felt like she knew everything there is to know. When our bodies collided, it was like our souls did too. When her lips touched mine we drifted off to a different world, away from everyone, away from the time there's left for me, away from all the pain and the emptiness I was feeling.

When I woke up the next morning I felt her chest pressed against my back, her arm around my waist holding me tightly, her breath against my neck soothing me back into sleep and for the first time for a long time I felt safe, protected, fulfilled. She took away my emptiness and made me whole again.

I awoke again to the feeling of soft kisses being planted on my neck. Turning around so I could face her, I saw her smiling at me lovingly and without hesitating returned her smile. I gave her a soft but lingering kiss trying to show her everything I couldn't say at this moment.

She lay down on her back and I placed my head on her chest, listening to her regular heartbeat, my fingertips creating patterns on the skin of her arm. After a while it lulled me back to sleep. I woke up with a start, my whole body shaking, as I had another one of my nightmares, only this time I wasn't alone. She held my shaking body and waited for me to calm down. When I recovered from my dream, she looked at me, her eyes full of concern.

"What was your dream about?"

Her eyes seemed so sad, how could I put that weight on an angel like her.

"Nothing," I tried to reassure her, sharing a soft kiss but she wouldn't budge. She just kept looking at me, saying nothing at all.

"It's fine, really. No need to worry," I tried again.

"So why don't you just tell me, if it's nothing?" Damn. She has a point there.

"It would just ruin the mood, trust me," I told her, avoiding eye contact.

She looked at me for a while, I could feel her eyes on me. "If you say so," she said, forcing a smile. I knew this topic would come up again but for now she just respected the fact that I didn't want to talk about it and it made me fall for her even more. I would have to tell her at some point but not now.

She lifted her hand and slowly ran her fingers over my face, my eyes closing immediately; from my forehead, to my nose, my lips and finally when she replaced her fingers with her lips, she began to lightly caress my left cheek. The kiss was soft and sweet, nothing like anything I ever felt before. When she ran her tongue over my bottom lip I immediately allowed her access. Our tongues met and I swear if I would have been standing, my legs wouldn't have been able to hold me any longer. Finally the need for oxygen overcame us and we broke apart, our foreheads lightly touching, a smile playing on her lips.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

My eyes shot open, looking at her disbelievingly. Beautiful? People never told me I'm beautiful. They just tell me I'm hot or sexy which is totally different. But when our eyes met I knew she meant it and felt my cheeks blushing to a deep red. Blushing? Remy Hadley never blushes. What the hell is she doing to me?

But she just smiled and me and pecked my lips.

"You're cute when you blush," she said smirking.

Cute? God, this is so not good. I'm not cute, I can't be. Remy Hadley is not cute. Why does she have to say this?

I lay my head down on her chest again and her arm circled around me, her hand on my waist, holding me tightly, her heartbeat somewhat calming. And as I lay there in her arms, her smell in my nose, her sound in my ear and her touch on my skin, I realized that it didn't matter what Remy Hadley was or wasn't, what she did or didn't do before Allison came along because now everything changed. She changed me.

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As I leave I see a single tear running down her face and when I close my eyes I hear her whispering "I'll miss you" right next to my ear. I want to answer. Want to tell her that I already do miss her and that I'll always be right next to her but it is too late for that since I can't even open my eyes anymore. I concentrate on the moment one last time to hold it and take it with me. I smell her scent, I hear her heartbeat and I feel her hand in mine, her thumbs rubbing my knuckles as I feel everything turn black.

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**I hope you liked it. If you did, review and tell me **


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